Dumped?

My heart rejoices in the Lord;in the Lord my  horn is lifted high my mouth boasts over my enemies for I delight in your deliverance –1Samuel 2:1

“God is there something wrong with me? Are my dreams contrary to your thoughts for me and how different are they? Why am I getting rejected? Am I not good enough? Why didn’t you even give me a hint that things would turn out this way…Lord….How do I even explain myself to anyone ?”

Those were questions that ran through my mind the first week of this year.I could not pray and would laugh at myself in disbelief when I  was not crying. In fact,i  wanted to hide from the world which was treating  me so unfairly for  a reason i  could not even comprehend. The fact that i was in the process of inviting my close friends to celebrate God’s victory in my life after a 6 year journey.

You see here was a young woman with big dreams and faith in   God to back them up. I had it all planned out, I knew what I wanted. I had just completed six years of school( I see you right there   😁…I know what you were thinking but please read on)

I was more than convinced that God had a great plan for me. I had an okay job,could take care of myself, pay my rent but I knew i wanted a greater challenge more and soon. Yet just days before I could have my thanks giving party, my contract was not renewed and I was jobless. The day before being rendered jobless,I had spent my quiet time with God at a spot out of town where I go to watch the water falls.

I remember telling the Him my vision for the year in detail. Asking Him to   bless my colleague and friend .To promote us , secure our positions having both  acquired full qualifications as advocates. That our terms to be reviewed . Despite having worked for the company longer than my friend, my employer then chose her over me. She was retained and I was left out in the cold to start searching for a job.

Wasn’t it natural for me to question myself? How can God be blessing others and passing me by? Just like that? There must be a serious problem with me or my work.

See, often times we will find ourselves forgotten.We will watch God answer  others with the very same answer we have been and continue waiting for. In fact,there are seasons in life when we will feel passed by.I know of one such woman who felt forgotten by God. Hannah was the first wife of Elknah. She did love her husband and dearly at that. Since it was customary to marry more than one wife, I picture Hannah accepting Peninah into her home. Deep down she must have been putting her husband’s happiness first, that at last he would be honored as a father through the children borne by Peninah as she had not borne him any.

So year one comes and Peninah ushers in a beautiful son. Her husband can now stand before other men. The neighbors can now hear the cries of a baby in their home. Don’t we usually celebrate when our friends lives are going well? Your best friend got accepted to a great school for a masters program and it encourages you that your application will also go through. Or your sister meets a gentleman who loves her and loves God and reinforces your trust in God that He has preserved a God fearing man for you as well? It sometimes seems to rubber stamp that God is still working around us. Hannah must have been convinced that her time would come. Hadn’t He done it for Peninah?

Hannah would even have lost the count of the years in waiting but this year? She  must be now convinced   this is her year. This time for certain, God will answer. I see her make a commitment to pray, promising God to do something in return for her desire to be fulfilled. She would spend hours on end with God that at one point Eli, the priest even thought she was drunk. I see her asking God to cover her from the taunting of Peninah’s mockery . Asking God to still show up in her life for her “shame” had become public. Do you see the other women pointing at her as she walks on the road?

“That’s the barren one”.

Some events will seek to make a mockery of your God but it’s not yet time for Him to show up and show off through you. He is working behind the scenes and when He shows up,He will turn what the enemy used to publicly put you down and use the same platform to show His might. Certain doors, relationships will  simply remain closed because God has closed them with so much love for you. God is the one who had actually closed her womb. Understand that some prayers will just not be answered as yet, but keep  praying all the same.

It was hard for Hannah living with Peninah who endlessly mocked her for not having a child. Even her husband’s love was not enough to make whole what was incomplete in her world. While you might be feeling like Hannah, forgotten by God,you grapple with seeing God working in other people’s life ,hang in there for He is setting the stage to present you. Understand sometimes that it’s not God’s time yet. It was when God  got tired of the evil in the household of Eli and his sons that He decided it was time to raise a new leader for the nation of Israel. Hannah’s desire for a son then got aligned with God’s timing and purpose . Don’t give up praying for in His timing He will answer and it will be perfect. The best part is that when the time comes, God does more than we would have imagined for His thoughts are far greater than ours. He gave Hannah a son who ended up being seven times better than all the sons of Peninah. He  ruled over them as a Judge of Israel,the highest in authority in the nation. God always has an interest in your desire- for a greater job, a life partner, an investment, for at the end His purpose always stand. You can’t afford not to involve Him.

Have you felt forgotten at some point in your life? God is setting you up for somebody or something greater. Sometimes, God will allow doors to shut ,people to reject us, systems that we are getting accustomed to break down, employers to chose others over us, for circumstances to mock us and our faith in God simply because He has something greater and would not want us to settle for anything less than His plan for us. His thoughts are greater than ours. When God answers He will make public His blessing to you. Doesn’t He say what we ask in the closet and in secret He rewards in the open?So while i felt rejected at that specific company,unknown to me God had already prepared for me another job with much higher pay and where i stayed for close to twelve years.A higher door may just be waiting for you to shut the current one.

May the God who is able to turn any barrenness in your life give you a song like Hannah  “that My heart rejoices in the Lord and in Him my horn is lifted high.”

Scripture References: 1 Samuel 1,2,3  Isaiah 55:8 Matt 6:6   Proverbs 19:21

This article was first published on the LSR Christian Magazine in 2012.